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Post By Roscoe P. Herkimer Thu Jun 24, 2004 at 06:38:11 pm EDT |
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Spango, part 2 | |
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Carl & Shelly Hallow were setting up a new exhibit at the Parodipolis Museum. While they were setting up the exhibit, they were attacked by a small group of droids, they wanted Pigeonman. The droids had some odd tactics of capture. (They covered Shelly hot cheese & strangled Carl with a pair of slightly irregular sized pants.) The droids flew off with now unconscious Carl, now in his Pigeonman costume, back to there master who lived in the Republic of Spango!
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Early the next morning after the attack, the broken glass from the antique stain glass window still lay on the floor & Shelly Hallow was still covered with the now harden cheese, it had also stuck her to the floor. She passed out from the fumes a many hours earlier. Willie, the Janitor was the first to came upon the scene.
"Mrs. Hallow, are you ok ?" Willie asked as he tried to wake her.
"Wha ?"
"Mrs. Hallow, are you ok ? You seem to be covered in some kind of cheese & there is smashed in glass next to you. Are you hurt ?"
"Willie, is that you ?" Shelly said half awake.
"Yes, it's me."
"Where's Carl ?" she asked looking around.
"I don't know."
Shelly wakes up fully & remembers what happened last night. "Willie, could you please get this cheese off me!"
"So, it is cheese ?"
"Yes."
"Some men broke in, so me & Carl fought them" Shelly said.
"You should have done that, you should have called the police."
"It would have been to late by the time they got here."
"Were the ones who broke, the one who covered you in cheese ?"
"Yes. They had some cheese cannon. I passed out shortly after I was hit. I don't know what happened next."
"Carl might have gotten hurt during the fight." Willie said as she chiseled the cheese off her.
"Maybe." Shelly said, then saw the security camera.
After the cheese was off, Shelly ran to the security office. She yelled back to Willie her thanks. Then, Willie picked up a chunk of cheese & took a bite. "Yum, Cheddar!"
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At the same moment,
"Uhhh, What happened?" Pigeonman said as the room he was in continued to spin.
"Where am I & why is everything upside down ?" Pigeonman said.
Then, the room has mostly stopped spinning. His hands were tied together as were his wings. He was hanging upside down from the ceiling. Pigeonman looked around the room & he seemed to be in a Dungeon of sorts. It also looked to be a gift shop you would find in a Airport. He also saw his helmet & weapons on a small table near the door. He wonders why the droids would take everything but his wings.
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Shelly, now in her Pigeonwoman costume, replays the security tape from last night. The security guard on shift won't be back for another hour, he's on patrol. Shelly could see him walking around in the the west wing of Museum. Shelly watches on the screen as he husband is taken away by the droids & wonders where this "Republic of Spango" is? Shelly takes out her cell phone to call up some old friends for help. The phone rings & then is picked up.
"Hello & thank you for calling the JBH. How may I direct your call ? Certainly not to me, no one ever talks to me. " said a depressed female voice.
"Is Amazing Guy there?"
"No, he's not."
"How about Kid Produce ?"
"He's not here, either. The whole team is on a mission somewhere else. Would you like to leave a message ?"
"No." Pigeonwoman says, because it might be to late by then.
"Ok, thanks for calling anyways. It's always nice to talk to someone."
They both hang up. Pigeonwoman now tries to think who should she call for help. Then the idea hits her, the Lair Legion. She finds there number in the phone book & calls. The phone rings & rings & rings. Then a guy finally picks up the phone.
"Hello ?"
"Is this the Lair Legion ?"
"The Headquarters, at least."
"Who am I talking to?" Pigeonwoman asked, not recognizing the voice.
"My name is Lee Bookman, I'm a probationary member of the team. Also, I guess I'm there record keeper, too."
"Oh." she says not really caring now. "Is the team there ?"
"No, not really. I think of them are off on some mission, I decided to stay behind & work on filing away some of their records. Do you need some help with something ?"
"Yes, this Pigeonwoman & Pigeonman has been captured by some robots."
"Do you know who these robots were ?"
"No, but they did say they were from the Republic of Spango, wherever that is ?"
"I think it's small european republic."
"You actually know where that is ?" she says shocked.
"I think so. I know a lot of stuff about many things."
"Could you come over & help me find him ?"
"Sure. Nothing really happening here."
"Ok, I am at..." before Pigeonwoman could finnish her sentence. Lee had opened a doorway between the Lair Legion Mansion & the Parodipolis Museum.
"I'm here." Lee said as the doorway closed behind him.
"That was quick."
"I know. I do have a car but this is quicker, this sounded urgent. So, what do you need do know ?"
"We need to find out where the Republic of Spango. Do you know a place where we could find info like that?"
Lee thinks for a moment & then says "I know an excellent place to collect it."
"Where?"
"Here!" Lee opens another doorway with a small device he was holding. He walks through, Pigeonwoman was a bit hesitant to go through the doorway but goes anyway. They ended up in a place Pigeonwoman can only imagine is a library.
"Where are we ?"
"In a library. I work here & we should be able to find all the info we need here."
Lee starts to look through some books in the Geography section & so does Pigeonwoman but she also looks at the building. It's like no library she had ever seen.
Then, a hologram of a woman's head & shoulder's appeared. "So my sensors are right, your back!" The hologram said. Then she said "How was being a super hero ?"
"Ok, I guess. I'm actually on a mission right now. D.D., this Pigeonwoman & Pigeonwoman, this is D.D. the Library's A.I."
"Pleased to meet you!" D.D. said.
"Same to you, too."
D.D. turns back to Lee & asks "What's ya looking for ?"
"Do we have an info on a place on Earth called Republic of Spango ?" Lee Asked.
Pigeonwoman thought it was odd how he phrased that question.
"Let me check!" D.D. said & then starred off in space for a moment. Then said "Yes!"
"Could you transfer that info to data out cove 8a ?"
"Sure!" D.D. said then disappeared.
Lee started to walk away from the bookcases & Pigeonwoman followed him, she didn't want to get lost. They walk down an unnaturally lit hallway.
"So, where are we besides in a Library ?"
"Look at that window!" Lee said with a sly smile on his face as he pointed to a window.
Pigeonwoman looked out & saw a the lunar moonscape. The Earth was in the distance.
"Were on the Moon!"
"Yup." Lee said & then started to walk down the hallway, again.
Pigeonwoman was stunned by the knowledge she has just gotten & then hurried to catch up with Lee. He turns a corner into a small room.
"Out cove 8a ?" Pigeonwoman asked.
"Yup." Lee says & press a few buttons on a control panel. "Now, The Republic of Spango is smallish european republic. It neighbors Cardboardia, the land of cardboard cut out people, Cookie Land, the land of cookie cut out people, Tragicia, the land of bad fashion & Monrovia, a small European country of little or none importance. The Cardboardians & the Cookie Landers are in a war over Britney Spears for some unknown reason." Lee said as a Holo projection of the areas in question is displayed. It floats independently in the middle of the room.
"So the Republic of Spango people aren't not a land of something ?" Pigeonwoman said sarcastically.
"No. At least I don't think so. But they do like Pigeons."
"They do ?"
"According to my texts, yes. So, that might be the reason they took him."
"So, how do I get there to get him back ?"
"According to my texts, The Republic of Spango is located below England, above Iceland, and next to Asia. Does that answer your question?"
"Not really."
"Well, Spango & it's neighbors are very hard to find. No accurate map of there location has ever been made. This holo projection is only an assumption of what it looks like. The five countries are located around a small body of water. Plus, many people have flown over Spango & not known it."
"How can that be ?"
"One theory is that the Spangan Group Members are so stupid they have willed themselves invisible or.."
"Who group members ?"
"Spangan Group Members, that is what you call a person from the Republic of Spango. But getting back to what I saying, another theory is that they have highly advanced technologies or are just a really small country."
"Oh."
"I tend to go with the really small country theory. But the willing themselves invisible because of there stupidity is an interesting theory, too."
"Why do you believe the small country theory ?"
"Because the republic doesn't claim to have any cities or towns. They have one large, main building & some small family dwellings surrounding it. The republic is basically a city."
"This is all nice to know but how do I get there to save my husband ?"
"Here in this book, one of the few in this library's collection that has been written about the Republic of Spango it says if you don't look for it, you will find it." Lee said as he read from an old, dusty book. The cover is falling apart & the pages are well worn.
"Great, that's a lot of help." Pigeonwoman said, again, sarcastically.
"I can get you near where Spango is said to be. But, your on your own from there."
"Ok. Thanks for your help."
"Your welcome." Lee said as he opened a doorway.
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Back in Spango...
Pigeonman was getting a headache from all the blood rushing to his head & then he heard the door to the room open.
"Hello, Mr. Pigeon. Welcome to the Republic of Spango!" A nasally voice said. The person talking was shrouded in darkness.
"Who are you ?"
"I am Roscoe P. Herkimer, Ruler of the Republic of Spango." He said, nasally, as he walked into the light.
Roscoe was wearing a straight jacket, backwards. The buckles were in the front, only a few were buckled. Roscoe stood about 6 feet tall. Roscoe has pale white skin, some freckles on his face & wore a retainer. He wore wireless framed glasses, His eyes are a bright sky blue. His hair was bright orange & he had a Pompadour hair cut. He wore a pair of navy blue shorts, white socks, a dark grey T-shirt that could be seen from under the straight jacket. He had boots which looked to have come from a suit of armor. Pigeonman did not think he was your typical kind ruler.
"Why am I here ?"
"That's a question a lot of people ask at least once in their life. Why am I here, Where are we going, Do I have clean underwear on, etc. But you, Mr. Pigeon, are here for the semi-annual-or-when-we-feel-like-doing-it Pigeon Festival. Who better to have at a Pigeon Festival, then a man sized pigeon."
"You do know that I am not a man sized pigeon but a man wearing a costume modeled after a Pigeon."
"Yes, we Spangan Group Members aren't that stupid."
"What in the world is a Spangan Group Member?" Pigeonman says.
"Well, Mr. Pigeon. That is what you call a person for the smallish European republic known as Republic of Spango, which you are currently in."
"Where is the Republic of Spango ?"
"The Republic of Spango is located below England, above Iceland, and next to Asia. Does that answer your question?"
"Sort of."
"Good. But getting back to what I was saying before, we Spangan Group Members know your not a man sized Pigeon. But, that you are a mutate like your fellow super hero, The Brown Streak!"
"It's actually De Brown Streak!" Pigeonman corrected him.
"Yes, that's what I said. The Brown Streak."
"Never mind, Can I be let down, all the blood is rushing to my head."
"No."
"So, when is this Festival of yours ?"
"Today. You are the guest of honor."
"Why didn't you just ask me to come here instead of kidnapping me? I'm sure I would have come on my own."
"Whenever we do ask people to our republic, they always got lost. The directions are so simple that a retarded baby could even understand them." Roscoe said, then turning to leave, he stops. Turns back around & he says "Either me, one of my droid guards or a member of the spangan closet will return to get you later for the Festival."
Roscoe walks out of the room & the door is locked behind him.
"Oh, great! I've been kidnapped by a bunch of lunatics lead by a Conan O'Brien look alike." Pigeonman thought.
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Elsewhere...
With some help from Lee Bookman's doorway, Pigeonwoman arrives close to where Spango is reportedly being. She is in some type of tropical jungle & starts to hack away at the vines with her battle axe. She starts to walk forward not knowing what's ahead of her. After a period of hacking at the plant life, she reaches a cliff & can see for miles from there. In the distance is a lake & a building that looks like a merge of a castle & an airport.
"That might be what I'm looking for." she thought.
"Halt, intruder!" yelled a man dressed up in cardboard armor. He also had a cardboard spear & shield. They were painted colorful colors.
Pigeonwoman turns around to see him. "Yes ?" she asked.
Once Pigeonwoman say him, she tried not to laugh at him.
"What? Cardboard can be quiet deadly when used correctly!"
"I'm sure." she said, on the verge of laughing.
"What are you doing here ?" He asks.
"I'm trying to get to..." she starts to say but was interrupted by the man in cardboard.
"It doesn't matter why you are here. I know why you are here! You are an evil spy from Cookie Land come to steal our secrets & make it so we can't have a concert by the most loveliest woman in the world, Ms. Britney Spears." He said.
"No, really. I'm not here because of your war over Ms. Spears. I'm trying to get to.." She is trying to say & is interrupted again.
"So your an Monrovian spy then?"
"No."
"Then who are you ?"
"I'm trying to get to the Republic of Spango!" She yelled, a bit frustrated. Her yelling scared a flock of birds.
"I should have known. Because your costume is modeled after the Pigeon so you must have be a Spangan Spy, the worse kind of spy!" He yelled & he scared another flock of birds.
"No."
"Then how do you know about the Republic of Spango ? Only people from this area know of the Republic of Spango & your costume is modeled after the Pigeon, right?"
"Yes."
"Spangan Group Members loves Pigeons!"
"I know a man on the moon who knows about Spango!"
"There isn't a man on the moon. There's a man in the the moon but not a man on the moon. There was an man on the moon but that happened during the 1960's." The man said.
"But there is a man on the moon! He sent me here!"
"Yeah, sure." The man said, sarcastically. "Come with me." He said as he poked her with his spear.
"Where are we going ?"
"To Popo ZeZo!"
"Where?"
"Popo ZeZo, the capitol of Cardboardia. I thought you Spangan Group Members knew that ?"
"I'm not Spangan!" she yelled, scaring more birds.
"Sure, sure. Keep telling yourself that & one day it may come true." He said as he poked her with his spear. The spear bent slightly when he poked her.
The End, for now!
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What will happen to Pigeonwoman when she gets to Popo ZeZo ? Will she ever get to Pigeonman ? What will happen to Pigeonman at the semi-annual-or-when-we-feel-like-doing-it Pigeon Festival ?
Look for part 3 of Spango!
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FOOTNOTE:
The Republic of Spango is a Pre-PV idea I had for a country. I have only just now gotten around to telling there tale. There obsession with Pigeon is stemmed from my fascination with the bird. (I like to find groups of pigeon run through them. I also like to follow them around & walk like them.) Many thinks that the Spangan Group Members say, do or act like are stemmed from my own oddness.
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